So, tonight was a night of not necessarily devistating but all the same sad; same ole "yr the bestest friend cause yr unattractive" bs I always hear. Not that I wanted more than best friends honestly; but I didn't wanna know what I heard either...le sigh..
Thank you all so much for your imput on the survey. I was rather surprised in some cases who replyed. But grateful all the same. I seriously am still not sure what I'll do. For now I'm gonna play it out. In an attempt to keep this summer down to one heartbreak.
ANYWAY: I hung out with Candice and Ocean yesterday, and an amazing time was had by all.!!! Today I will develop and possibly scan some photos. That's my story...
"Post your friends list and place their first name beside their username. If you don't know their first name, leave it alone and move to the next name. That person has to reintroduce themselves to you. Do not check their infopages or ask anyone for help."
Everybody's got a little child inside still looking for love
[30 Jul 2004|11:57pm]
So yesterday I saw Hairspray again which left me feeling exactly the way it did the first time....OVERJOYED! First, it's a musical, which automatically makes me happy. Also, it's the story of the "fat girl" getting prince charming. I feel this connection to Tracy Turnblad, like in a weird way. I think no matter how much weight I gain or lose i will always feel that connection to the strong fierce fat girl and to the scared insecure fat kid I was. The show TOTALLY reenforces all the positivity I need to keep in my head.
So yeah, a billion hugs and thanks to AJ georgiajay for taking me...
So tomorrow is my oldest friends wedding. Lisa, definetly one of my best and closest friends is getting married and it feels like the end of a chapter. The good ole days are now behind us. This is also the beginning of what i think will be a new role for me. The faithful hand maiden: Always the bridesmaid never the bride. I know I know at 19 marriage is far from an issue, and I am NOT looking to get married...but seriously a lot of my near and dear friends have acquired these VERY ADULT relationships:
Lisa=Married paul(My harvey milk best friend) and his partner have baught a condo together Candice_hjarta and jake have been together for like 2+ years and so on...
It's just that my record is 3 months and it's totally putting things is a new perspective.
I am learning more and more about my family in these past weeks it's increadable!! For all my bitching and complaining about moving out to queens, and it has been a really grounding experience, where I am learning about this enigmatic thing that is my family...and I love it. My aunt is totally open with all the stories about my families. She told me today that she, along with many other family members have never been worried about me, that they have always known that I could and would survive and thrive, which is why no one has never swooped down to help me, and I kinda like hearing things like that. That I have long been exhibiting the traits that I am still liked for. It's so interesting to hear about the various truths of my family. At least for me. The dysfunction was funtional.
An ordinary guy, I haven't got a thing that you can brag about
So I feel really bad for frankie, the boy I'm quasi-seeing, as i am more often than not a norotic mess who can't just let things happen. I'm always pushin him to treat me like we've been together forever, of course i don't say it this way. It's simply that I think he is wonderful, too wonderful to waste time with me, I'm getting much better with this, but he's just so fun and fuckin cute, and I've seen the ex's and I am seriously out of my league, but i have promised to breath and just have fun with him. But i am seriously nervous he'll just leave and find a better model. I'm too nerotic to date...and so brave i HAVE to wear my heart on my sleeve. But with him, it's just that i haven't been this in like in awhile, like he just makes me giggle and smile at the thought of him, and i think he deserves someone without my need to have definitive relationships, ahhhh
come down from that tree, just open yr arms and trust
So in about 4 hours I am leaving purchase. The place I have called home for 9 mounths. The place I have grown more at then I have in the last 4 crazy years of my life. I am sad.
There is always the old adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But 3 months makes the Arthur grow lonely. I know I should look at this time for me to re-connect with home friends, who I miss dearly. However, it's just not that simple. I have become the most confident and sure of my self here than i have ever been in my entire life.
The people i have met here are some of the greatest i have ever met, and although i am only leaving them for 3 months it will bruise, it will hurt.
But enough of that i wanted to thank ALL of you for changing the person i am...
Claire Henry, Oscar, Djuna, Kris, Jenn, Candice, Stephen, Steven, Jake, Evan, Claire L, Heather, Becca, Ryan, Anna, Danny, Christine, Laura, Jonathon, Jeffery, Sam, Kat, Morgan, Raine, Marina, lulu, miranda, Emma, Sophia, Anne, Randi, Mona, Jason, Pez, Elena, Bob, Shane, Shayna, Mikey, George, Nadine, Ocean, so many who I forget to list but i will never not be thinking of you this summer.
If I leave you, it doesn't mean I love you anyless
Well Laramie Project Auditions day one, going so well! I am really excited about Laramie going so well for sooooo long.
My life is going in a lot of great directions. I feel like I am more confident of late than I have been in a long time, long time meaning ever, and I hope that this new feeling influences all the parts of my life.